Successful lives and businesses are entirely built on interdependence.
In both, the key ingredients are time, self-awareness, and forgiveness; of myself and those on whom I must rely. The alignment of my strengths and weaknesses with theirs is the only path upon which we can build something special together. Something special like a “casa”…a house.
Do you welcome others easily into your “casa” (house)? How does “my house is your house” work?
My mother once said to me, “if you’re going to have a big family, you’d better have a big house”. She wasn’t referring to the five bedroom, two bath house the 12 of us lived in, she was referring to the patience and communication skill required to live daily in such a setting. Still today, the remaining six, each in our 70s, must think before we speak to keep conversations from going in a southerly direction. Then forgive and be forgiven when they do.
With my partners in business, all four of them, a.k.a. my wife and 3 children, I must consistently identify their and my strengths and weakness, then try to discuss those strengths or weaknesses in the situations that play out. Just like looking back on what was said with my siblings, my partners and I review key decisions and actions to understand. Learning together can be a huge advantage for future planning.
Each of the businesses we’ve succeeded with become “nuestra casa” (our house). We work against our human nature and ego to adjust behavior in consideration of each other.
If I’m a good coach, mentor, partner, father, or friend, I’m required to learn how to provide loving and constructive criticism. Of equal or greater importance (this is where I fail most often), I must learn to appreciate and consider advice.
As my first business grew, I noticed my employees arriving one minute before 9 and leaving one minute after 5 pm. “Working my way up, I was glad to start early and stay late”, I once said to our director of operations. She said, “this generation values their personal life at a higher level than their work life, Tim, how about we focus on productivity instead of hours?”
Members of strong families don’t move on from each other but it’s possible in business. I’ve separated from three multi-year-long partnerships in the past 12 months. In each case, I had remodeled my house in various ways to see if they would respond sufficiently that we could learn to work and grow together. Eventually, I learned that it was not to be.
It’s painful to learn that “ma casa no estaba su casa” (my house is not your house).
But for all concerned, as well as myself, trust can only be built when it’s “nuestra” (our house).
Peace.
Tim McCarthy
