At a meditation retreat several years ago, my teacher reminded us of the legend of Sisyphus. In Greek mythology, Sisyphus was the King of Corinth who was punished for chronic deceitfulness by being compelled to roll an immense boulder up a hill, only to watch it roll back down, and to repeat this action for eternity.

Our teacher then suggested that during the weekend, we consider what boulder we are carrying up and down the hill of our life. His theme that weekend had two points.

His first is that any pain we cling to is a burden that we carry. Fear, anger, regret, sadness, physical and mental stress are all boulders. Small boulders could be the driver in the next lane, a sleepless night or an annoying co-worker. Big boulders could be a marriage broken, a child on a bad path or a terminally ill friend. It could be something we face in our own life such as an addiction, small or large, or a deep regret we carry from something we did long ago.

His second point was the punch line: that unlike Sisyphus we are not condemned to going back down the hill to pick the boulder up and carry it back up that hill again and again and again. And yet we do.

The meditation, mindful walking and noble silence I did that weekend and every time since has had only one goal: to see what comes up that bothers me for what it is…then set it aside. Or to put it in terms of the legend, to notice what boulder I’m rolling then choose consciously whether I should go back to the bottom of the hill and roll it up again.

All of us have stuff. Mine includes things I’m not proud of I did in college, important relationships that are currently strained and friends who died too soon and who I deeply miss. And of course my daily grind of taking everything personally, from business matters to the driver who cut me off in the parking lot last night.

Which bring me to my punch line: letting go of the boulder is not something I do well. Through mindfulness I’m getting progressively better for as long as I work at it but for me, there is no nirvana. I neither seek nor expect to find that place where I’ll find peace for life. But by being mindful, I find more moments where I notice my boulder and leave it at the bottom of the hill and move on.

The best line of several dharma talks our teacher gave that weekend is one I shall never forget and makes a good ending to this blog:

“Pain is mandatory, suffering is optional.”

The thought rings in my ears, particularly when I notice the heavy boulders I’m carrying.

Peace.

Tim McCarthy