My partners allow me to hang out with our restaurant management one half day each quarter. We do an interactive workshop, always related to broader topics than day-to-day restaurant operations.
In June, our CEO Roy Getz chose “Trust” as my topic. The afternoon was spent dialoguing about Steven Covey’s “13 Attributes of Trust” with such questions as “what does this attribute mean to me?”, “when did I last do it; not do it?”, and “what can I resolve to do from today, on?”
I decided to wrap up the day with “things I know about trust at age 60 that I didn’t know before.” Interestingly, none applied to the “attributes” so I thought they may be worth sharing.
- Trust cannot be “given” or “taken” - it can only be earned.
- Earning trust is a task for each and every interaction.
- Trust CAN be learned (this was the most surprising to me).
- If the word “trust” is used in dialogue – such as “trust me” or “my friends trust me” – run the other direction!
- Effective trust must be in balance; beware of too little or too much.
- More than other behaviors, with trust we must “be the change we want to see.”
The first one is pretty obvious but often forgotten. How often do we witness CEOs who believe their position should connote trust? Yet trust is not inherent to any title or position.
The book I featured last month “Fierce Conversations” says a relationship IS a conversation. Same with trust, I believe. Each interaction with someone else is a new chance to build or destroy trust.
The restaurant managers were somewhat surprised that I felt trust is learnable so I simply asked them, “How many of your front line workers that you trust were brought up in an environment of abuse or mistrust?” Instantly, they got the point because many of our managers come from our front-line workers. It’s unlikely they were born with trust or assimilated it at home, so they must have “learned” to trust, and be trusted.
None of us misunderstands the fourth point – “Trust me” almost shouts “I’m not trustable!”
In my younger years I tended to trust people too much. Sometimes I’ve trusted too little. Now I “trust but verify”.
Finally, trust is a perfect place to apply the old Mahatma Ghandi quote, “Be the change you want to see.” That seems to parallel my Mom’s admonishment “if you want to have a friend, be a friend.”
And so I believe that, if I want to be trusted, I must be trustworthy – one interaction at a time.
Peace,
Tim McCarthy
Tim McCarthy
