The best version of the golden rule is: “Treat others as you wish to be treated”.
Ideally, that would be the only rule we need. But for real life, which has caused me to add two “almost golden rules”.
The golden rule as written is my intention in every relationship. But it only applies until I fully realize what type of person or organization I’m dealing with. Then, at times, I must move to 1.b or 1.c.
When someone hurts me by not considering my needs as equal to theirs, I become
anxious, even depressed at times. Poor spirited people still surprise me. Karma is
literally “the consequence of our actions” so it always throws me off when people are
not kind.
I’ve always had a list of those who treat me as I wish to be treated. It’s not written, it’s
simply that like all of us, I know who I can trust. These people and organizations earn
1.a status with me and I, in turn, work to earn 1.a status with them. Pretty much daily.
For 2025 planning, I’ve decided to write a list of people who have not treated me as well
as I have treated them in 2024. This 1.b list will remind me to treat the “1.bs” as they
treat me. I have no intention of treating them poorly by any means. I just plan to
remember that they put their interests before mine when deciding on matters related to our work together.
Turn the other cheek? I wish I was that good of a guy. Going the extra mile for
someone who has not done so with me, well, it just seems unfair and has often set me
up for consistent abuse. My son once said to me (while I was wondering why a specific
person hurt me), “Dad, they can smell you’re a sucker from a mile away.” Another
friend once told me, “Tim, you don’t have to run into every burning building”.
1.c is reserved for those who think it’s not enough to win, they need the other party to
lose. I used to try to “get them back” until I read the old saying that harboring
resentment is like drinking poison and hoping the other person falls over. I find I can make more room in my heart for love if I simply keep the “1.cs” out my field of vision.
My late brother, Terry, would say that some people have “a long arm for the take and a
short arm for the give”. He would often plead with his naïve little brother to be careful
since he many times saw me open myself unwisely with people not worthy of my trust.
Good time for a self-quiz: If you are a hero of mine, you turn the other cheek. If you’re
more like me…make the list.
Peace.
Tim McCarthy
“The healthy part of ego helps when we lose; the humble side helps when we’re winning”
---Farnam Street
Editor’s note: I’m not a dedicated jazz fan but have enjoyed what I would term, jazz light, all my life. This instrumental is the epitome of my favorite kind of jazz, lying somewhere between the traditional Benny Goodman and Miles Davis plunge into
fusion.
Editor’s note: Don’t read this if death freaks you out. If you’re excited about “running through the tape”, like I am, it’s a mandatory read. Dr. Kalanithi brilliantly wrote his journey from terminal diagnosis to his last days. The writing is enhanced by a prologue written by Abraham Verghese and an epilogue written by his surviving wife, Lucy. For me, this exploration of the meaning of life borders on my all-time favorite, equally hard
to read memoir by Viktor Frankl, “Man’s Search for Meaning”.
Favorite excerpt:
“When you come to one of the many moments in life when you must give an account of yourself, provide a ledger of what you have been, and done, and meant to the world, do not, I pray, discount that you filled a dying man’s days with a sated joy, a joy unknown to me in all my prior years, a joy that does not hunger for more and more, but rests,
satisfied. In this time, right now, that is an enormous thing.”
Another one from my young advertising career…I took great pride in being a “rising star” in our agency. One day when I must have been a little full of myself, the agency chairman said,
“Remember, Timothy, that part of the very definition of the word
“potential” is that it hasn’t happened yet”.